Family Guy season 3The third season on DVD? check here: The third season episode guideThe Thin White Line / season 3 - episode 1
Written By: Steve Callaghan
Directed By: Glen Hill
Brian (Brian Griffin) feels like he's stuck in a rut, and so he takes his therapist's advice and tries to help others for a change. He ends up a very successful drug-sniffing dog for the Quahog police department, but along the way he gets addicted to cocaine. Peter (Peter Griffin) is disappointed when the Griffin family has to cancel their planned vacation in the Bahamas to help support Brian who is in rehab, but decides to tag along with his dog when he sees the beautiful clinic. A therapist at the clinic tells Brian that Peter is a bad influence on him. Although Brian defends his friend and leaves rehab in protest, the wise dog realizes he does need some time away from the Griffin family and leaves Quahog for parts unknown.
Brian Does Hollywood / season 3 - episode 2
Written By: Gary Janetti
Directed By: Gavin Dell
Brian (Brian Griffin) is a struggling screenwriter in Hollywood, which really means he's waitering and washing cars. Brian's cousin introduces the lost dog to a local producer who offers Brian a job directing... a porno. Meanwhile, Stewie (Stewie Griffin) has a successful audition for Kids Say the Darndest Things, and plots to use hypnotizing glasses on national television to take over the world. The Griffins get a free trip to Los Angeles due to Stewie's TV appearance and come to visit Brian at work. Brian is ashamed of working in porn and tries to hide it from his family, leading them to believe that he's now a stuck-up Hollywood big shot. Brian is miserable when he is nominated for a Woody Award for porn directing and can't share it with his family.
Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington / season 3 - episode 3
Written By: Ricky Blitt
Directed By: Brian Hogan
The toy company Peter (Peter Griffin) works for is bought by a cigarette company, who want to use toys to sell cigarettes to children. Peter confronts his new bosses, following Lois' (Lois Griffin) advice, and to shut him up they promote him to president, and Lois keeps her mouth shut, happy with all the new perks she is getting. Peter is sent to Washington by his bosses to try and stop a bill being passed that would put them out of business. Lois, who finds Stewie (Stewie Griffin) smoking, goes to Washington to stop Peter, and Peters new bosses are fined 100 million dollars.
One If By Clam, Two If By Sea / season 3 - episode 4
Written By: Jim Bernstein & Michael Shipley
Directed By: Dan Povenmire
Peter (Peter Griffin) and his pals catch a beer-besotted version of the Spirit of '76 when a Brit buys the Drunken Clam and turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie (Stewie Griffin) plays 'Enry 'Iggins to Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter.
And the Wiener is... / season 3 - episode 5
Written By: Mike Barker & Matt Weitzman
Directed By: Bert Ring
Peter (Peter Griffin), used to beating Chris (Chris Griffin) at every game they play, is intimidated when he realizes that Chris has a bigger penis than he does. Peter tries to compensate by getting a very phallic sports car and joining a gun-club, but when Chris saves him from a bear attack, he gets some perspective and tells his son that he's lucky to have such a big penis. Meanwhile, Meg (Megan Griffin) joins the Flag Girls, and tries to act like she's now a popular cheerleader, but the cheerleaders mock her and cover her with stinky meat at a football game. Meg, on her mother's advice, is still friendly, and finally gets invited to a cheerleader's birthday party.
Death Lives / season 3 - episode 6
Written By: Mike Henry
Directed By: Rob Renzetti
It's Peter (Peter Griffin) and Lois' (Lois Griffin) anniversary, so he decides to sneak of for a game of golf. There he is struck by lightning, and death pays him a visit. Death takes Peter on a revealing journey, telling Peter to take more notice of Lois or she will leave him. Peter also gives death dating tips and death dates a girl who works at the pet store. Peter makes it up to Lois by getting Peter Frampton to play a song for Lois.
Lethal Weapons / season 3 - episode 7
Written By: Chris Sheridan
Directed By: Brian Hogan
Bonnie convinces Lois (Lois Griffin) to join her Tae-Jitsu class and Quahog is invaded by New York "leafers" coming to look at the pretty colored leaves in fall. Lois quickly becomes a black-belt, and Peter (Peter Griffin) uses his new dangerous wife to drive away all the annoying New Yorkers. However, Lois's new-found violent side finds its way into the Griffin household, and after trying counseling, the whole family has an all-out brawl to get it out of their system.
The Kiss Seen Around the World / season 3 - episode 8
Written By: Mark Hentemann
Directed By: Pete Michels
When Meg (Megan Griffin), due to her crush on Tom Tucker, the newscaster, applies for an internship at the local television station and gets the job, she is disappointed to find that her news partner is the most reviled nerd in school, Neil. Caught in a life-threatening news situation, Meg laments that she never had a first kiss and agrees to kiss Neil only to find that he taped the whole thing in order to broadcast it across the world. Meg broadcasts her own news that she has no interest in Neil, sending him to the ledge on top of Town Hall. She breaks his fall, only to find out that he had no intention of jumping and was just trying to get her attention again.
Mr. Saturday Knight / season 3 - episode 9
Written By: Steve Callaghan
Directed By: Michael Dante DiMartino
Peter's (Peter Griffin) boss, Mr. Weed, dies suddenly (at the Griifins' house, as it happens), and the toy factory dies with him. Not surprisingly, Peter's "career transition" is less than smooth. Then he decides to follow his 25-year-old dream and become a jouster at Quahog's Renaissance Faire.
A Fish Out of Water / season 3 - episode 10
Written By: Alex Borstein & Mike Henry
Directed By: Bert Ring
When Peter (Peter Griffin) decides to become a fisherman, he takes out a large loan to buy a fishing boat and unwittingly gives up everything he owns as collateral. Faced with losing the family home, Peter resorts to desperate measures to get the money and hunts down a famous man-eating fish for the reward money. Meanwhile, Lois (Lois Griffin) and Meg (Megan Griffin) hit the beach for Spring Break.
Emission Impossible / season 3 - episode 11
Written By: Dave Collard & Ken Goin
Directed By: Peter Shin
Peter (Peter Griffin) and Lois (Lois Griffin) are inspired by her pregnant sister Carol to have another baby. Stewie (Stewie Griffin) is appalled at the prospect of another sibling and vows to keep Lois and Peter from sleeping together. After various attempts to stop them, Stewie shrinks himself down to a microscopic size and enters Peter's body in hopes of destroying all of his sperm.
To Live and Die in Dixie / season 3 - episode 12
Written By: Steve Callaghan
Directed By: Dan Povenmire
Waylon Jennings has a voice cameo in an episode in which the Griffins discover Southern hospitality courtesy of the Witness Protection Program. They're in hiding because the convenience-store thief Chris (Chris Griffin) fingers escapes from jail and vows revenge. But should he track Chris down, he'll have to contend with Sheriff Peter Griffin (Peter Griffin). But when Peter questions the historical truthfulness, the town turns on him and he must fight his own battle.
Screwed The Pooch / season 3 - episode 13
Written By: Dave Collard & Ken Goin
Directed By: Pete Michaels
When Brian (Brian Griffin) joins Lois (Lois Griffin) and Peter (Peter Griffin) on their visit to the Pewterschmidits, his pent-up sexual energy is unleashed on the Pewterschmidit's dog Sea Breeze. After the vet informs them that Sea Breeze is pregnant, Mr. Pewterschmidt refuses to let Brian near her. Brian decides to sue him for custody of the puppies.
Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother? / season 3 - episode 14
Written By: Mike Barker & Matt Weitzman
Directed By: Scott Wood
When Chris (Chris Griffin) adopts hip-hop speech, Peter (Peter Griffin) (who can't understand a word he's saying) decides to teach his son about his roots. He makes a startling discovery. Meanwhile, Stewie (Stewie Griffin) becomes enchanted with the Buddy Cianci Junior High cheerleaders. In a genealogy book, Chris discovers that he has an African-American ancestor. Meanwhile, when the Peterschmidts come to visit, they reveal a secret and bribe Peter to keep it quiet. But after Peter accepts the bribe, he makes a harsh realization.
Ready, Willing, and Disabled / season 3 - episode 15
Written By: Alex Barnow & Marc Firek
Directed By: Andi Klein
When Joe loses a thief in a chase, he also loses his self confidence and pride as a police officer. Peter (Peter Griffin) becomes determined to help Joe and offers to train him for the decathlon at the Olympics for handicapped athletes. Peter spikes Joe's drink with steroids and he goes on to win the gold medal and fame. Meanwhile, Stewie (Stewie Griffin), Meg (Megan Griffin) and Brian (Brian Griffin) fight over a money clip and twenty six dollars.
A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas / season 3 - episode 16
Written By: Danny Smith
Directed By: Brian Hogan
It may be the season, but Peter's (Peter Griffin) anything but merry when holiday preparations prevent him from watching his favorite Christmas special, KISS Saves Santa. And soon the family experiences the same lack of spirit when they're compelled to do last-minute shopping. Meanwhile, at home, Brian (Brian Griffin) gets caught in a sticky mess with the Christmas tree and ends up burning Lois (Lois Griffin) dinner. Coming home to the mess, Lois has to struggle to keep her Christmas cheer.
Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows / season 3 - episode 17
Written By: Allison Adler
Directed By: Dan Povenmire
When Brian (Brian Griffin) is arrested for drunk driving, he's forced to do community service, which consists of helping Peggy, a middle-aged, agoraphobic, bitter woman. Brian gets so fed up with her insanity, that he storms out of her house. Later, Brian watches a television documentary that reveals Peggy's past as a top advertising jingle singer of the 1950s and 60s. Brian warms up to her, realizing where her pain comes from, and eventually she warms up to him too. He convinces Peggy to actually go outside, but she gets by a bus. While on her deathbed, Brian and Peggy share a fantasy intimate moment, but as they are about to kiss, she dies. Meanwhile, Peter (Peter Griffin) grows a beard and learns that a swallow has nested inside it.
From Method to Madness / season 3 - episode 18
Written By: Mike Barker & Matt Weitzman
Directed By: Bert Ring
When Brian (Brian Griffin) expresses his interest in theatre, Lois (Lois Griffin) tells him to try out for the Quahog School of Performing Arts. During the audition, Brian turns in a mediocre performance and is dismissed by the judges. Stewie (Stewie Griffin), determined to get Brian a second chance, throws a melodramatic fit. The teachers, impressed with Stewie's theatrics, enroll him in the rising stars program. Stewie doesn't realize he is struggling at the school until he overhears his teachers discussing how he and Olivia, the school's most promising but overly haughty student. will be asked to leave if they don't shine in the quarterly review. Stewie tells Olivia that they must put on the performance of a lifetime or they'll get kicked out, and their routine is a hit.
Stuck Together, Torn Apart / season 3 - episode 19
Written By: Mark Hentemann
Directed By: Michael Dante DiMartino
Peter's (Peter Griffin) jealousy reaches new heights when he accompanies Lois (Lois Griffin) to the gynecologist. As the doctor prepares to examine Lois, Peter refuses to let him near her. Later, while shopping, Lois runs into an ex-boyfriend, Ross Fishman, who innocently asks her out for coffee. Fearful of Peter over-reacting, Lois sneaks off to meet Ross. At the same time, Joe picks up Peter for a joyride in his new high-tech surveillance van. While parked outside a diner, they see Lois and Ross inside. Using the van's high-tech gadgets, Peter misinterprets Lois and Ross' words. Angered, Peter decides to make Lois jealous by hiring prostitutes to pose as his ex-girlfriends.
European Road Show / season 3 - episode 20
Written By: Daniel Palladino
Directed By: Dan Povenmire
Stewie (Stewie Griffin) is addicted to the British hot children's show "Jolly Farm Review" based on Mother Maggie, a benevolent figure who looks after kids on a farm. Brian (Brian Griffin) makes fun of Stewie for watching the show, but Stewie is determined to visit Jolly Farm in England because he thinks he belongs there. He stows away on a British Airways jet, which he assumes is headed for London. Brian tries to drag Stewie off the plane, but before he can, the plane takes off. When the plane lands, they discover that they are in Saudi Arabia are stranded in the middle of a desert with no passports or resources to get out. As luck would have it, Brian and Stewie encounter a Comfort Inn in the middle of nowhere and manage to steal a hot-air balloon to fly home, but the contraption falls apart over Italy, just as the Pope is about to address the masses.
Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 / season 3 - episode 21
Written By: Gene Laufenberg (Part 1), Seth MacFarlane (Part 2), Michael Shipley & Jim Bernstein (Part 3)
Directed By: Pete Michels (Part 1), Scott Wood (Part 2), Michael Dante DiMartino (Part 3)
Three mini-episodes. In the first, a genie grants Peter (Peter Griffin) three wishes and he ends up being propositioned by Catherine Zeta-Jones . Then, exposure to toxic waste gives the Griffins super powers (one per Griffin). Finally, in flashbacks, L'il Peter braves a haunted house (for awhile) to impress L'il Lois (Lois Griffin).
When You Wish Upon a Weinstein / season 3 - episode 22
Written By: Ricky Blitt
Directed By: Dan Povenmire
An inspirational visit from a successful Jew, who could be the answer to Peter's (Peter Griffin) financial crisis, leads Peter to push Chris (Chris Griffin) to go Jewish, so he too will be successful. report error and omissions here
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